2009
Don't Fear the Cheer!
Come out and kiss 2009 on the behind as your favorite band of pie-eyed pipers torches up the Sunset House in Peekskill like faulty lights on a dried up Xmas tree!
This is it - the last show of the first decade of the century... and we’re pulling out all the slops. Join The Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktails for a holiday to remember to forget!
This Friday, December 18th, starting at 10.
With very special guests: The Luscious Lushes Go-Go-Dancers and, appearing as himself, world-famous Elvis tribute artist, Michael Vegas!
This is it - the last show of the first decade of the century... and we’re pulling out all the slops. Join The Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktails for a holiday to remember to forget!
This Friday, December 18th, starting at 10.
With very special guests: The Luscious Lushes Go-Go-Dancers and, appearing as himself, world-famous Elvis tribute artist, Michael Vegas!
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Got Wood?
11/28/09 10:07 Filed in: Performance | Bar
Which way would you want your wood pointing? North, of course.
You are cordially invited to pour yourself into none other than Ziggy’s world-famous Northwood Inn, Friday December 4th, as The Cocktails branch out and headline their first-ever full show at this tasty Mahopac tavern. We’ve played there before as guests of our beloved Barfly Orchestra, but this is our moment in the sun! (Okay, it’s kinda dark in there, but you get the idea.) We need a good showing that night, so you bring the asses, we’ll bring the axes, deal?
And joining the band in a very special live performance is the immortal Michael Vegas. And you thought rockabilly just left the building!
Also, much grattitude to all those who came out and shook it on down for both shows this past weekend. If we can get you back out to the Northwood, we promise that the one and only "Foxy" Roxy Von Popov will personally pummell you with primitive love!
You are cordially invited to pour yourself into none other than Ziggy’s world-famous Northwood Inn, Friday December 4th, as The Cocktails branch out and headline their first-ever full show at this tasty Mahopac tavern. We’ve played there before as guests of our beloved Barfly Orchestra, but this is our moment in the sun! (Okay, it’s kinda dark in there, but you get the idea.) We need a good showing that night, so you bring the asses, we’ll bring the axes, deal?And joining the band in a very special live performance is the immortal Michael Vegas. And you thought rockabilly just left the building!Also, much grattitude to all those who came out and shook it on down for both shows this past weekend. If we can get you back out to the Northwood, we promise that the one and only "Foxy" Roxy Von Popov will personally pummell you with primitive love!
The Band Flips the Bird
Time again to turn that turk around and stuff her like you mean it as the Cocktails give thanks to the Gods of Rock with two, yes, two shows in one glorious weekend.
First, get ready to put the gorge in gorgeous as the LGC returns this Friday, November 20th, to Sue’s Sunset House to offer themselves to the hungry fans who undoubtedly would like nothing more than to tear apart our collective carcass and consume our flesh (wait, which frikkin' holiday is this?).
Then, it’s back for seconds on Sunday the 22nd at the German American Club from 2-9 as we join the cute-as-a-button, but decidedly un-toilet trained Hey Baby to celebrate another year of the only paper that matters in New York – More Sugar. Come out as we tip our hats, cups, bartenders, and take off our shirts to the Prince of Pulp – Tom O’Reilly, with a BIG assist to Contessa of Cool - Karen Collins.
The Luscious Lushes will be there to whip the crowd (literally) into a frothy frenzy, and if that’s not enough to lure SOME of you 18,000 alleged readers out, how about a well-placed kick in the giblets?
First, get ready to put the gorge in gorgeous as the LGC returns this Friday, November 20th, to Sue’s Sunset House to offer themselves to the hungry fans who undoubtedly would like nothing more than to tear apart our collective carcass and consume our flesh (wait, which frikkin' holiday is this?).
Then, it’s back for seconds on Sunday the 22nd at the German American Club from 2-9 as we join the cute-as-a-button, but decidedly un-toilet trained Hey Baby to celebrate another year of the only paper that matters in New York – More Sugar. Come out as we tip our hats, cups, bartenders, and take off our shirts to the Prince of Pulp – Tom O’Reilly, with a BIG assist to Contessa of Cool - Karen Collins.
The Luscious Lushes will be there to whip the crowd (literally) into a frothy frenzy, and if that’s not enough to lure SOME of you 18,000 alleged readers out, how about a well-placed kick in the giblets?
In the trenches with The LGC
11/11/09 23:06 Filed in: Chit Chat
Howloween with the Cocktails
Big Stiff Cocktails, The Crawling Eye and Things that go Dump in the Night
Yes, little prawns of Satan, there is much floating in the Devils’ Punchbowl this month. First of all, Halloween comes early (usually it has much more staying power) with a wicked weekend of dual-action, ghoul-action, fire and brimstone gin-stoned rawk!First The Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktails light it up this upcoming Friday the 16th at Sue’s Sunset House in PeeksKILL, featuring the long-awaited
return of those voluptuous voodoo priestesses, The Luscious Lushes! Girls got new go-go boots and they’re gonna dance all over you.Then Sunday the world’s greatest undead live act belches forth from the grave to scare the pants off every girl within 3.7 miles: The Scared Stiffs return to decimate and desecrate Terror Tom O’Reilly’s own More Sugar Halloween Smash.
In related band news, Dr. Harvè Bangwaller had his crawling eye popped out and replaced by a newer, shinier one.
Word is he’s recovering not-so-nicely and will stare a hole through you if you don’t buy him a drink on Friday. Wood eye?! Harelip! (very, very old joke)
Then in other band-related news (literally) Chris from the Stiffs and his lovely lady Arlene popped out perfect twins this past Wednesday. Zane and ‘Nova, welcome to the world! I’ll drink to that! Although nurses were apparently shocked that the babies arrived with black nail polish....Speedy recovery all and get some sleep Chris and Harvè - we got gigs this week! (see above)
Hair of the Dog with The LGC!
Beach Blackout Bingo
Hey, Regulars!
Sorry for the long delays between communiqués, but the band took off the month of August to hit the beach for a little well-deserved R & R (Relaxation and Rum). Predictably, one R & R led to another coupla R’s (Rehab Redux) but now that that little inconvenient truth is behind us, we can get back to our regularly scheduled party liquor and gluggin' good times.But that doesn’t mean we’ve been neglecting the rock, no, sir. Spent some time with BF’nF Jeff Cuervo Goldberg down in his Philly den of all that is audio, Vinyl Snake Studios, placing some salt on the rim of The Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktail’s first full-length record, tentatively titled 7 & 7. We’re almost at the point where we're ready to stick the little umbrella in it, so stay tuned and save up all your money because when that bitch comes out, someone’s gonna get crushed in the midnight sale madness.
Other diversions: a trip down to Brooklyn to surf the wild Gowanus with the third annual Psychobilly Luau. Highlights included The Scared Stiffs own Dr. Matte Black’s band -- The Wanda Jackson Five -- and an ultra-rarified performance by the Scariest Band in the World… Deadbolt. Lowlights included Former Smarmy Agent Jeff Valley’s car catching fire on the first leg of the trip and almost torching a birthday party full of six year olds.
He Otto Know Better. Otto clicks with Deadbolt.
Going down brown
St. Pauli Dangerousli, a.k.a. The Bastard of Bed-Sty, a.k.a. The Janitor, a.k.a. The Rascal from Ridgewood, a.k.a Eaglebird Humperdink, et. al., is cleaning house, so to speak. The man with 1000 colorful names is narrowing it all down to… brown. Ladies of the Evening and Men of Ill Repute, we give you The Brown Tornado. Yes, it’s official -- we’re all down with the Brown. So from here on out, Pauli - the category five of flailing feet, the vicious vortex of villainous verisimilitude, the rum-running, swath-cutting, skin-slapper will be known henceforth as simply The Brown Tornado.
To celebrate this most murky event, we’ll be downing and drowning in brown liquor like our grandfathers at Sue's Sunset House on July 17th. Wear something brown and you just might be earning extra brownie points from The Luscious Lushes, who return in full splendor to tempt revellers off their asses and on to the dance floor -- to get brown and get down!
Lava means never having to say you’re sorry
Smell that? That’s the sad scent of missed tiki-tunity. At this past weekend’s Putnam Valley Town Tag Sale, our own Otto spotted a little lava tiki at one of the tables. Ku -- warrior god, evil con carne.
Eager to add to his collection of cursed forbidden trinkets (I think we’re all familiar with the Brady Bunch in Hawaii episode), he turned his pockets inside out to find his flask, his wallet, his lucky dagger but, unfortunately, not the five bucks required to walk away with the tiki. When he finally returned, incredible post-LGC show later, he was greeted with an empty space on the field where the tiki table had been.
Oh, how Otto cried! He cried and cried till he actually water-boarded himself with his own salty tears. (Editor's Note: Not true. Otto never cries; he breaks stuff.)
Still, the great outdoors was made even greater by the Cocktail’s incendiary performance on the rain-besotted stage. Weather and locusts be damned!
Special thanks again to Tom “The Bomb” O’Reilly for the beer and for having us there. Also, to the rest of the boys in the Barfly Orchestra, Hey Baby, No Excuse and Pistol Pete’s Soul Tree Villains.
Eager to add to his collection of cursed forbidden trinkets (I think we’re all familiar with the Brady Bunch in Hawaii episode), he turned his pockets inside out to find his flask, his wallet, his lucky dagger but, unfortunately, not the five bucks required to walk away with the tiki. When he finally returned, incredible post-LGC show later, he was greeted with an empty space on the field where the tiki table had been.Oh, how Otto cried! He cried and cried till he actually water-boarded himself with his own salty tears. (Editor's Note: Not true. Otto never cries; he breaks stuff.)
Still, the great outdoors was made even greater by the Cocktail’s incendiary performance on the rain-besotted stage. Weather and locusts be damned!Special thanks again to Tom “The Bomb” O’Reilly for the beer and for having us there. Also, to the rest of the boys in the Barfly Orchestra, Hey Baby, No Excuse and Pistol Pete’s Soul Tree Villains.
From a fever dream
04/28/09 15:23 Filed in: Chit Chat
Otto had a frightening dream, which he feels compelled to share with you:
Spring Cleaning
Backstage at the New York Dolls show, David Johannsen begged Roxy for a photo op.
Otto Wino discovers boxed wine and wonders if it comes coffin-sized.
Stewed Driver scours Englishtown in search of the next perfect posi-rear.
Pauli Dangerously eases into Downward Dog position and reemerges four days later.
Harvé Bangwaller stops the world, and melts with Hugh.
Dickie Mellonball nurses his ears and develops an unhealthy attraction to Hannah Montana.
The LGC will raise the bar (and then close it) May 15th at Sue’s Sunset House and then sizzle their lilywhite tavern tans in actual sunlight when they play the Putnam Valley Town Day, Saturday May 23rd from 1:00 - ? Live music all day! Featuring The Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktails, The Barfly Orchestra, Hey Baby and more! Leonard Wagner Memorial Park, Oscawana Lake Road. Benefits the Putnam Valley Dog Shelter and the Putnam Valley Food Pantry: bring canned goods, etc. Refreshments, farmers market, volleyball, art for kids. And did we mention LIVE MUSIC! ALL DAY!
LGC = SRO
“Heard you burned the place down!” – Dino Fregosi, Rock Legend.
Standing room only! This past Friday, the Cocktails packed the Sunset House to its whiskey–soaked rafters. We’re talkin’ Fire Marshall-jammed. Even with all the girls up on the tables, there wasn’t room to shake your thangs without shakin’ into someone else’s.
Then the pub-crawlers showed up. Two buses full of St. Patty’s Parade Party People, complete with the Grand Damn Marshall. And speaking of spontaneous combustion, the spur-of-the-moment, molotovic Cocktails jam with Captain Bagpipes blew the place out. Thanks to all who didn’t vomit on our equipment!
Next up, a gracious invite from More Sugar Master Tom O’Reilly to play one sexy set sandwiched betwixt his Barfly Orchestra at the nicer than nice Northwood Inn this Saturday Night! No cover. Be there at 10 for a full night of booze-themed band rock!
Standing room only! This past Friday, the Cocktails packed the Sunset House to its whiskey–soaked rafters. We’re talkin’ Fire Marshall-jammed. Even with all the girls up on the tables, there wasn’t room to shake your thangs without shakin’ into someone else’s.
Then the pub-crawlers showed up. Two buses full of St. Patty’s Parade Party People, complete with the Grand Damn Marshall. And speaking of spontaneous combustion, the spur-of-the-moment, molotovic Cocktails jam with Captain Bagpipes blew the place out. Thanks to all who didn’t vomit on our equipment!
Next up, a gracious invite from More Sugar Master Tom O’Reilly to play one sexy set sandwiched betwixt his Barfly Orchestra at the nicer than nice Northwood Inn this Saturday Night! No cover. Be there at 10 for a full night of booze-themed band rock!
Make it a double!
THE COCKTAILS START FLOWING EARLY
ON FRIDAY THE 13TH!
This Friday the 13th, the LGC are gonna get stuporstitious! We're packing up our gear and rabbit’s feet to play two, two, two shows in one day.
First, a rare daytime benefit show for veterans at VA Hudson Valley Healthcare System, Montrose Campus.
ON FRIDAY THE 13TH!
This Friday the 13th, the LGC are gonna get stuporstitious! We're packing up our gear and rabbit’s feet to play two, two, two shows in one day.
First, a rare daytime benefit show for veterans at VA Hudson Valley Healthcare System, Montrose Campus.
“God I love the smell of vodka in the morning!”
Then we’re dragging our black cat bones to our home away from the asylum -- Sue's Sunset House in Peekskill -- for a MARATHON booze-fueled luckfest! Take note Cocktail lovers: we’re starting early -- NINE O’CLOCK -- and going till the last table dancer topples over.
Also for your added enjoyment, the triumphant return of that tantilizing trio of tasty temptresses, the Luscious Lushes Go-Go Dancers!
Yo Ho Ho
and a Case o' Captain Morgan
He’s the 17th man on the dead man’s chest, the guy who puts the “high” in the high seas, the master of mayhem whose bucket-banging percussive panache would make Keith Moon proud and turn Neil Peart green with seasick and envy. Yes, friends, we speak of the one and only St. Pauli Dangerously, aka The Brown Tornado.
Pauli is rumored to be the direct descendant of one Edward Teach, best known to history as Blackbeard the Pirate. It’s been reported that The Tornado (you can call him Brownbeard) has been operating in the North Atlantic, the Caribbean and has even been sighted on the Hudson River and Lake Oscawana. A Gemini, sporting the rare two dark sides, The Tornado is also rumored to have a lucrative consulting position with the Somalis. Fathers, hide your daughter’s booty!
Recent photographic evidence suggests that when he’s not slamming the skins with the LGC, that he’s been known to go aloft on his square-rigged ship “Queen Anne’s Revenge Again.” This photo courtesy of an anonymous officer serving on His Majesty’s ship “Doubtful.”
This Friday
... thrill to the death-defying, buzz-supplying sexploits of America's most inebriated rocknroll upstarts, The Lifesize Gorgeous Cocktails!
Calling all LGC Fans!
Get your Heart On for a great cause. Next Sunday the 15th, our best fiends, The Scared Stiffs (featuring the LGC’s own Otto Wino on guitar) are gathering up a great Post Valentine’s Show to benefit The Putnam Humane Society and The Putnam Valley Dog Shelter.
There are lots of things those poor little kitties and puppies need, so check the poster to see how you can help. And if you wanna bring something to help feed the humans, that would be great, too.
The whole thing happens from 2-8 at the Putnam Valley German American Club. There’s going to be a ton of talented performers, some Roller Derby Girls and a whole lot of people giving of themselves to help out the animals! Come on down!
There are lots of things those poor little kitties and puppies need, so check the poster to see how you can help. And if you wanna bring something to help feed the humans, that would be great, too.
The whole thing happens from 2-8 at the Putnam Valley German American Club. There’s going to be a ton of talented performers, some Roller Derby Girls and a whole lot of people giving of themselves to help out the animals! Come on down!
(click the poster for a larger image)
Damn You, Mother Nature!
Bitch screwed us again with her sub-zero temps. That’s two straight Sunset shows cancelled ‘cause of her frigid, fickle ways. Apologies to anyone who came out and braved the cold and didn’t get the emergency e-mail in time. We promise we’ll make it up to you if it’s the last thing we do. (And it just might be.)
Meanwhile we did storm Arlene’s Grocery in the city on Sunday and raised a rukus as well as raising a bunch of cash in a benefit for the Abingdon Theater Company’s production of Greek Holiday. Fun was had by all, even though pastrami was only had by some in a post-show pigout at Katz’s famous deli. Viva La Meat Bomb!
Harvé points out the culprit.
“YOU! You’re the one who stuck this mike in my eye!”